How Does She Do It?

Anticipating Spring

- Janet Pelz

The sun is shining today and with it comes the prospect of spring, new life, long evenings outdoors, the hot bake of sun on the face, and bare feet in the sand.

I’m working on setting up some interviews – I have one next week that I’m excited about and others in the email exchange (Would you be interested? When are you available? Don’t worry – every woman I interview says there is nothing interesting about her life…)

In the seven days since I posted the story about Sandy Hirsch, I’ve had more than 600 hits, along with several new subscribers. Most of you are seeing my site for the first time. Welcome!

So, in this break while waiting to write my next story, I thought I’d explain for the new visitors what this site is and how it works. I’ve also got some updates on people I’ve written about previously, for those of you who like to track their progress. And in the course of this column, I’ll share with you some of the results I got from the survey many of you were kind enough to take back in November.

The Story of How Does She Do It?

I was always writing. At work I wrote the policy papers, the speeches, the memos -- whatever required putting one word after another in print seemed to fall to me. But when the recession hit, words were no longer a marketable commodity. I heeded a pent-up call to write what I wanted to write and a bad novel grew slowly from my keyboard.

Then the revelation struck that my world was filled with characters much richer than anything I could create from my imagination. They lived next door, their kids went to the same school as mine, they were friends and friends of friends -- all ordinary women living extraordinary lives – quietly, far from the headlines.

I set out to tell some of their stories.

I approached each of them like a gift, to unwrap carefully and find the treasure inside. And to each of these women I gave a gift in return -- their lives, with every bit of humor, resolve, passion and love wrapped up in one story.

I spend an hour, maybe two, listening to a woman tell me her life. And at the end I ask, “Whom should I interview next?” In this one community my stories have featured women of ages 11 - 99, mothers, artists, teachers, community leaders, gay, straight, and of diverse cultural backgrounds. Through their individual stories a much larger one is told -- our communities are filled with amazing women who are each doing their part to change the world. And you don’t have to do much to find them -- just ask.

The stories clearly hit their mark. Readership of the site grows steadily, mostly through word of mouth. People comment that we need more of this -- inspirational stories about regular people; a way to root ourselves in a broader world.

In the process I also aspire to connect people, even if just through the diaphanous threads of cyberspace. My friend Charlotte in the Phillipines had suggested in her survey response (miss you, Charlotte!) that I interview “a man who started life physically as a man but has chosen to live as a woman.” My friend Jane recommended I interview Sandy Hirsch, who has built a specialty of working with transgender clients. So I sent an email to Sandy and asked if she would like to take part.

Researching my site, Sandy read about someone she knew – Mary Ellen Buchanan – but didn’t know that Mary Ellen was a powerlifter. While I was interviewing Sandy, Laura saw us in the café. When Laura saw the story, she was moved to tears and shared the link on her facebook page. Mary-Ellen read Sandy’s story and sent her greetings through the comment link. Sandy sent the story link to her client Jerica to let her know she was featured in the story. Jerica was thrilled and shared the link with several transgender websites and on her youtube video log. Jerica is now a subscriber, and several hundred have found the site through Jerica’s links. I love that.

More from the survey:

Here are the types of women you’ve encouraged me to write about through your survey responses:

• women in their 40’s or older
• moms trying to find balance in their lives
• women who overcome obstacles and are living with power and purpose
• any woman in a male-dominated profession
• athletic women
• women who have chosen to veer from a particular set path to pursue a passion or social cause.
• women rights, immigrant, poverty, racial minority and labor activists for justice
• amazing teachers and parents making a difference in our schools
• a stay-at-home mother who has started her own business or chosen to work on a social cause or in politics
• a novelist – what’s it like to sit alone and write?

I’m pursuing some leads on several of the above, and I always welcome your ideas for women who fill any of these categories and particularly, for women most of us have never heard of.

As for the rest of the survey responses, I learned that 50% of respondents don’t always read the stories because they don’t like reading on the computer or the notices get lost in their inbox. This lends impetus to the idea of compiling the stories into a book, which could be enjoyed with a bedside light. Some find the stories too long – it’s always the hardest part, to edit out words or experiences from these women I find fascinating. Few of you are subscribers, preferring instead to wait for an email from me notifying you of a new story (warning: you will miss several of my postings because I don’t always send an email, but the story will always come directly to your inbox if you subscribe).

Not a one of you responding to the survey have purchased anything from an Amazon-affiliated website from the ad on my site. Guess I don’t exactly have a good business model going on. I should do a lot more to try to generate revenue to pay my costs, I realize, but I always choose to spend my time writing instead. Always open to ideas on this front, of course, so feel free to pass any good ones along.

(Speaking of business models, a memo leaked that Nokia, the world’s largest cell phone company, is worried about going bankrupt. Any ideas why?)

Coupl’a Updates:

Melissa Erickson has set up a Foundation to receive contributions to help fund her health care costs (she is the former UW basketball player battling Lou Gehrig’s Disease). Click here to go to her site. It’s easy to send a paypal donation – I just did.

Simone Porter, the young violinist I wrote about last year, finally had to give up on public school and pursue her studies on-line – a situation more conducive to her schedule with The Academy, an elite conservatory program for pre-college musicians which requires being in L.A. every week from Sunday –Tuesday. Writes Deborah, her mother: “After barely a week of this online program, Simone is thriving. She feels empowered by being able to work ahead and she is able to practice her violin more and still have free time to exercise and even meet friends. Next year Colburn may allow her to actually board there, which, while heartbreaking for me in many ways, would, I know deep down, be great for her. She has emerged to a level of consciousness where she knows she is a musician first and foremost.

“We just returned from England where Simone performed the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto with a great orchestra. The conductor just happened to be in the Barbican when Simone was rehearsing with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra last year (talk about luck!), heard her, and almost immediately invited her back to solo with his orchestra. Upcoming performances include soloing with the New West Symphony in L.A. in March, and soloing with the Hong Kong City Chamber Orchestra in July.”

Thanks for reading and as always, stay in touch.

One Year, 25 Amazing Women and 13,000 Page Hits Later…

 

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It was one year ago that I launched How Does She Do It? promising prospective readers:

“You’ll be inspired by the extraordinary and ordinary life stories of women in the Seattle area.

Each week I’ll interview a single mom, elite athlete, artist, or community volunteer; women who have arrived at their destination or women in transition – about who they are now and what choices they made to get to this point.

I’ll ask these women to tell who has made a fundamental impact on their lives, and what resources they turn to for support. And I’ll ask, whom should I interview next? We’ll start a thread that could weave throughout the region, and we’ll follow it wherever it takes us.”

  With the first story about my mother Kelly Pelz I’ve gone on to write about 24 other women, ranging in age from 13 – 99, women involved in the arts, sports, non profit organizations and business; women making an impact in this country and around the globe.

In the process I’ve also had my eyes opened to the power of the web to connect us. Google provides more information than I can use, but here are some of the more impressive statistics:

• Since I posted my first story, I’ve had more than 13,000 page hits. When I started writing, I was excited to see the number of readers rise by 25 with a new story. Now I regularly get between 30 – 60 hits on the days I don’t even post from people who have Googled something and seen my page on their results page.
• My biggest single day was 328 hits about Lacey Evans, captain of the Rat City Roller Girls. By way of update – you’ll recall she was planning a kickball game at her wedding to determine the couple’s new last name. The groom won, and Lacey is now Lacey Ramon.
• 85% or so of my readers in any month are new to the site. These are people who might be looking to read about a specific person I’ve profiled, or they may be looking for information on a topic like raising children as a single mom, living with ALS, or owning and operating a restaurant.
• Through Google searches I’ve been found by readers on every continent. A reader in Kenya read about Trish Dziko’s efforts to educate children of color. Someone in Venezuela read about Marla Smith-Nilson’s organization Water First and their efforts to bring clean drinking water to the poorest parts of the planet. Readers from European and Asian countries regularly visit my site.
• Without question the story that is most often Googled is the one I wrote in two parts about the young violin virtuoso Simone Porter and her mother. Simone’s high profile as an international performing artist has inspired a lot of interest. (She got a nice acknowledgment for her performance with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, the concert she was preparing for when I interviewed her).
• Sometimes another web site directs their readers to me. There was the time when the website Feministe picked up my story about Joanie Warner, who has been living with breast cancer for 17 years and her daughter Abby, who was organizing a rock concert as part of a high school project to raise money to eradicate the disease. I saw a spike in readership from that link, including one woman who was an old friend of Joanie’s from North Carolina. The two friends found each other through my web site and are once again in each other’s lives.
• 70 of you currently subscribe to the site – thank you for your vote of confidence! If you don’t do so yet but like the idea of each new story showing up in your inbox when I post, just fill in the white box in the upper right hand column where it says “enter your email address here” and hit the “subscribe” button. No cost, no obligation even to read, but it’s there if you want to. Likewise, if you prefer not to receive my regular emails notifying you of the new story, please don’t hesitate to ask to be taken off the list. I know how email overload can become an issue.

While most women eventually agree to be interviewed, almost all of them start with the disclaimer that they aren’t interesting enough to merit a story. A few have turned me down, including one woman I greatly wanted to interview who sent me this:

“I do wish I could say I'm enjoying my time as a full-time teacher with the Seattle Public Schools, but that's sadly not the case. Rather, I feel thwarted at every turn. It seems to me that creative people are not wanted in the public schools. I don't believe I can continue as a public school teacher.

“Due to my present lack of inspiration, both for teaching and writing – teaching has taken all the time and energy I had for writing – I'm afraid I'll have to decline Janet's gracious invitation for an interview at this time. I wish I were in a better place to provide inspiration for other women.”

Heartbreaking.

Although I get wonderful kudos about the stories I write featuring other women, I don’t feel as successful in trying to establish the site as a place for readers to connect with each other. My other goal in starting was this:

“So, how do you do it?

Is your secret as basic as a crock pot or as meaningful as the words Aunt Lola whispered to you on your wedding day? What gets you up on a rainy morning and sustains you through one more meeting, rehearsal, breast feeding, burnt casserole, proposal deadline, or arrival of the Great Hormonal Onslaught?

I’ll open up topics and ask you to weigh in.

We’ll learn from each other, share our secrets, and promote the people, organizations, books – even kitchen gadgets -- that add value to our lives.”

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The times I’ve put out a question for your response I’ve been met with deafening, well, silence, which makes me think, either I’m asking the wrong questions or you don’t have an interest talking to each other through the milieu of a web site.  Consequently, I’ve become reluctant to try.

Likewise, the comment function of the site doesn’t get much use. My hope is that the site could grow into something more like a book club than a text message – something that inspires conversation rather than tweets.

All of this represents the growing pains, the adjustment period.  You can help me with your ideas by clicking here to take a survey.

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And finally to the business side of this project. I spend between 10 – 20 hours a week on the site, arranging and attending interviews, writing and posting stories and trying to master the technical aspects of blogging. As compensation, I’ve made about $94 in advertising and referral sales. I thank the person who ordered a camera on Amazon by clicking from my site -- that grossed me a whopping $16! If you want to help support this project, you can do your Amazon (and affiliated sites) shopping by clicking their ad on my site. I’ll get a percentage of your sales as a referral fee at no cost to you. Similarly, if you just click on any site ad, you’ll earn me a few pennies even if you never make a purchase.

Obviously, I don’t have the business model to make this a financial success, but I definitely feel as if I’m building something of value in writing these stories. I’m looking for other ways to share them (a book, perhaps?). If you have any ideas, I hope you’ll send them along.

If you have a few minutes, I’d appreciate your responses to a brief 10-question survey. Click here to take survey. I’d love your ideas for how to make the site a more valuable place for you to spend some of your time each week.

I can’t thank you enough for your support.

- Janet Pelz

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Wendy Carlyle: Giving the Gift of Life

What would you do if you were asked to save a stranger’s life?

For Wendy Carlyle, her answer was unwavering. “It was never a question for me. Never.”

Though first she had to get beyond the skepticism with which she took the call from Miami in 2008. The person on the other end told Wendy she was a possible match for a bone marrow transplant which could save the life of a man dying of leukemia. “And I was thinking it was a prank phone call, because I had NO recollection of registering. I finally said, I need to see something in writing because I don’t know who you guys are!”

Arriving at her doorstep the very next day, the paperwork refreshed her memory of an event six to seven years earlier. A friend at her synagogue had egged Wendy into giving a swab from her cheek as part of a bone marrow donor registery sponsored by the Gift of Life Foundation.

A lot had happened to Wendy in those intervening years – it’s no wonder she forgot that day. Like having two more babies and her husband Reuven’s announcement in February that he planned to run for the state legislature that November.

Although Reuven had been involved in politics from a young age, it was new turf to Wendy. She soon learned how all-consuming a campaign could be.

“Reuven’s the kind of guy – when he decides something it’s an all or nothing gig. It was a very tough election and he did it all, all the time. He put 100% of his time and effort and everything into the campaign.” Fundraising, sign waving, attending events, and ringing as many doors as possible each night before the sun set – and during the Seattle summer the sun can set as late as 10:00.

Wendy Carlyle, husband Reuven, and their 4 kids in a campaign photo

Their nanny took care of the kids when Dr. Wendy Carlyle was at Virginia Mason Hospital, where she works part-time as an anesthesiologist. “But the nanny really just worked the hours that I worked. So when I came home she left, and it was home from work and Reuven not there and it was all the carpools, all the dinners, all the activities…” Wendy counts off the items with her head turning, as it must have been doing at high speed back then.

“And on top of that, I would have to show up at all these campaign events. When I could I went doorbelling, and on the days I came home from work at a reasonable hour, I’d stand at the corner and wave signs, sometimes with my one year-old.

“That was a hard year,” she says, and then emphasizes, “a super hard year”.

It was into this level of family mayhem that Wendy took that call.

Her skepticism now put to rest, she agreed to take the first step – the initial blood work. Wendy pumped out a few vials to send to the lab to test if her markers aligned with the recipient’s, and learned shortly thereafter that the tubes had broken in transport and she’d need to do it again.

“And then months go by, really. And finally, I get a call back and they say, ‘you’re a perfect match. A 5 out of 5 match for man with leukemia and would I be willing to donate’?

“So my only response was, could it wait? I’m not sure how urgent this is, but if I could wait until after Election Day it would be easier.”

Reuven Carlyle got elected to the Washington State Legislature on Tuesday November 4, 2008, and the following Monday, Wendy checked into the University of Washington Medical Center to donate her bone marrow for a total stranger.  (below: Wendy and 2 year old Nava t Mount Rainier)

But before the actual donation – and squeezed into the busy campaign season – Wendy was fully evaluated, both physically and psychologically. There were many hours spent, for an EKG, chest x-rays, blood work and a total physical exam. All to make sure there was no hidden medical condition that could put her at risk. The psychological exam was done to determine that there was no coercion, no money being passed under the table. “They close the doors and say look, you know you really don’t have to.    

“People I talked to would say they would never do it, but for me, there was never, never, an inkling of hesitation. When I got the phone call that said I was an exact match I was just overwhelmed with the opportunity to potentially save somebody’s life.”

Sitting with Wendy two years later at our outdoor café table, I see the emotion of that moment in her eyes. It has the look of someone overwhelmed by the generosity of a tribute or a gift. It is the emotion of gratitude mixed with humility. The feeling of someone deeply touched who doesn’t feel herself worthy of the recognition.

“It was an amazing experience, an amazing opportunity to save someone’s life. I mean, I’ve given birth, I’ve given life. I have four children, but it really is nothing like this. And it’s all anonymous, which makes it even more special,” says Wendy, pausing a moment to compose herself. “Because you’re doing it not out of personal love for somebody or family obligation, like if your brother needs a kidney and there’s all that emotional stuff that comes with that. But I have no idea of who this person is.”

Wendy knew only that the recipient was a 46 year-old man with leukemia who weighed twice as much as she did. Given that he was so large, they had to take the absolute maximum amount of bone marrow from her that would be safe. Even that was just the minimal amount that would be acceptable to him.

Bone marrow donation can be done in one of two ways, either through a surgical procedure where needles withdraw liquid marrow from the back of the pelvic bone; or through a non-surgical procedure where the donor receives daily injections of a drug that increases the number of blood forming cells in the bloodstream which are then separated out through a machine like that which is used for dialysis.

Wendy didn’t want to go through the medication, so she chose to have the marrow extracted surgically.

“The day of the donation was so exciting, it was just so exciting.” The nanny took the kids to school while Reuven and Wendy went to the hospital where they were met by a representative from Gift of Life, who had flown out from Florida to be with them.

With her share of experience in the operating room, Dr. Wendy Carlyle wasn’t too concerned about the procedure itself. “But it was a big blood loss because they had to take so much. I was severely anemic and dehydrated. My only concern in the recovery room -- I was just weeping because I was so hoping that it would work for this person. I knew I’d be ok. I did what I could and now it was out of my hands and I was so overwhelmed with emotion for him.”

Wendy knows her recipient survived his first year, at which point communication cuts off unless he chooses to initiate contact. She would like to know how he’s doing but she’s fine with giving him the choice to contact her or not.

The year after her donation Gift of Life sent Wendy two tickets to their annual fundraising event in New York. “I took my oldest daughter and it was an AMAZING evening. They introduced three sets of donors and recipients who met on stage for the first time. There are tissues on every table because there is not a dry eye in the place. Everybody made such a big deal about the donors, but the way I look at it, for the donors, the procedure is an inconvenience, but it’s not life threatening. I think the real heroes are the recipients who have made it through this amazing medical procedure.”

Gift of Life is a Jewish bone marrow registry, recognizing that ethnic groups have a higher chance of having bone marrow similarities. A visit to their web site introduces one to a Rabbi who reminds us that “this is an intrinsic Jewish value to share the gift of life.” (For another amazingly inspirational story about the importance of ethnic bone marrow registries, listen to or read this story on NPR about a Nigerian Olympic hopeful and graduate of Yale Law School who started a registry to help people of African descent after he was diagnosed with leukemia).

This year, Wendy’s chance to connect with her Jewish heritage was a spiritual rather than physical one. Her eldest daughter, Adi, had her Bat Mitzvah and in celebration, Wendy and Reuven took her and her sister Liat to Israel.

“The girls really got the connection between the Jewish history and the Jewish present and the fight for the Jewish future.”

 

Adi, Liat and Wendy in Jerusalem

As for the Bat Mitzvah? “It was really the first moment when it felt like I was passing the baton. It’s not any more about me and my generation – it’s the moment where you see that this is the future. I don’t think I expected that.”

It’s a theme that underscores our entire interview – Dr. Wendy Carlyle, passing on her love, nurturance, spirituality, life, to those she knows and loves, and even to those she doesn’t.

- Janet Pelz

Wendy Carlyle’s Not-So-Secrets for How She Does It?

• I think I keep everything in perspective. I really don’t get rattled or worked up about a whole lot of things. Part of that comes from the job that I have where I see real emergencies, people with real illnesses and real crises, so it’s hard to get worked up about my situation.

• If you’re a little late, so what? Everyone’s going to eat, no one’s starving here, they’ll all get to sleep. I just try to not sweat the small stuff. And I have good kids, who are pretty independent, and they’re all used to being in a very busy household.

• I exercise almost everyday. I run, I ride my bike to work. I take aerobics classes at the health club. I see friends when I can.

• Wendy places tremendous value in her community of friends. After the bone marrow donation, “I was blown away by my friends who dropped off meals, came and helped with the kids – the support from my community was amazing. Really, it takes a village. I could not have done it without that support for sure.”

Whom Does Wendy want me to interview next?

• In my own circle of friends, they’re all amazing, but you should interview Carol Wiley Cassella, who just published the novel Oxygen (click the Amazon ad on this page to order it and to support the blog!) She has two sets of twins that were born 15 months apart; she’s double-Boarded in internal medicine and anesthesiology. I don’t consider myself amazing. I’m just a regular person, but she’s amazing.

What books has Wendy read recently?

• Girl with the Dragon Tattoo trilogy by Stieg Larsson. “Fabulous!” (click the Amazon ad on this page to order it and to support the blog!)

Joanie Warner and daughter Abby Mahler: a mother/daughter partnership living with and fighting breast cancer

After years of failed fertility treatments, Joanie Warner and Bob Mahler felt a great exhilaration in finally declaring, enough. “We are done! We are totally done! When we look back on it, Bob and I say, that was all just a way of stalling, all just a way of making it so we could get Abby. I’ll never forget the picture of this little tiny baby who was ours over there in Korea. It was just meant to be.”

Abby has been a wonderful presence in Joanie’s life for the past 17 years.

Another presence entered Joanie’s life just two years after getting Abby, in the form of a lump in her breast. The cancer it represented has been a part of her ever since that discovery. After years of chemotherapy, periods of remission and the anxiety of re-appearances, Joanie would love to declare “we are done!” once again. But while she’s made choices about how she deals with the cancer, she doesn’t have the choice to leave it behind.

Though she has no memory of when her mother discovered the lump, Abby also has no memory of a time when her mother was cancer free. The disease has shaped the relationship between these two women who talk with me openly about its impact, Joanie in her introspective yet straightforward way and Abby in the way of a high school senior heading out on a life path to help change the world.

“I found the lump myself. I was 38 and had gone for a mammogram because I had a cyst the year before. I remember the nurse saying, ‘you were just here last year, are you sure you want to see the self exam video?’ And a little voice inside me said, ‘you need to watch this and you need to pay attention.’ This time, unlike the last, I paid attention, and two weeks later I found a lump. I had a mastectomy and they put in one of those implanted ports and I went on a heavy dose of chemotherapy for about eight months.

“Abby was amazing. I would have the needle put in on Monday morning and they would send me home with this little attached bottle which would push the chemo in over 24 hours. With Bob, Abby would be wild and crazy running around the park, and with me she would just get quiet and cuddle as if she intuitively knew that mommy really didn’t have a lot of energy and just wanted to throw up.

“She was with me the day that my hair fell out. I went into the bathroom and shut the door and I was crying and Abby toddled up and opened up the door and came in, and she ran her hand through my hair and it came out by handfuls. I called a friend who cut my hair really, really short. Abby would rub her hand on my head. Then Bob shaved his head and she would rub both of ours.”

Abby’s first realization about the seriousness of her mom’s disease came later. “When I was 11 it had come back and it was pretty bad this time. I remember I was sitting right here at the dining room table and my dad was gone. My mom came downstairs and she was crying and I didn’t understand why. She hugged me and told me that maybe things might not be ok this time. I think that was the first time I realized the kind of disease it was and that it really could take your life. Growing up it was something I was around so much it wasn’t out of the ordinary. Thursday night was chemo night when we would all go to the chemo center and eat Thai food and watch movies and hang out together. I wouldn’t really think about my mom getting drugs, it was just family time.”

When Abby was in 8^th grade, she discovered the exciting alternative music scene in Seattle. Going to clubs, checking out new bands, forging friendships with like-minded peers grew beyond a teenage fad to become a clear career path she hopes to explore in college. So when she got to high school and learned about the requirement of a Senior Project, she locked in on an idea that would combine two pillars in her life: a desire to book and promote music and a passion to help eradicate breast cancer. She started planning her senior project when she was just a sophomore.

This Thursday, February 25, her years of planning and past few months of work -- “it was just like, completely grueling” -- will culminate in a benefit concert for The Keep A Breast Foundation. Check out their website at http://www.keep-a-breast.org/ where they tout, “Through cutting edge art events and awareness programs Keep A Breast has evolved into the leading youth focused global breast cancer organization.” We’re talking Susan G. Komen for the under-25 crowd, accompanied by electric guitar and a touch of body piercing.

poster for Abby’s benefit concert

Abby could have taken the path many other seniors choose – Senior Project Lite – something that didn’t require much time or effort (like learning to salsa dance, or practicing henna tattoos). But the seriousness of breast cancer, not just in her life but in the lives of many of her friends and their families, spurred her to do more. So during lunch time and after school, she activated the email, MySpace and Facebook networks to secure a venue and line up five separate acts.

“I finally got it all figured out just two weeks ago. Now it’s just promotion and getting the word out about the show. Donating to KAB could be such a positive thing and make such a difference. If I get $2500 it would be solid – the money will go straight to the organization.

“I want to work in the music industry doing promotion and booking. And I just want to prove to myself that I can do this, that all the hard work is going to pay off. This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done and the fact that it’s actually happening is just the most amazing thing ever.”

You can help Abby reach her goals, to pack the house and raise the dough, by attending the benefit or, if you worry that your ear plug supply is low, making an on-line contribution at the website she set up: www.firstgiving.com/abbymahler

Joanie has nothing but admiration for Abby’s perseverance, though her idea of a musical celebration takes a much different path. Joanie grew up in the small town of Ashville, North Carolina, and she has brought the tradition of Hoe-Down with her to Seattle.

“My mother was the kind of effervescent, out there person -- everyone was her friend. I can’t tell you the number of times we would go to Denny’s and before you knew it the people in the booth next to ours were coming to Thanksgiving dinner. So I grew up with a great sense of community. We had some friends who lived way up in the hills who would have a square dance two or three times a year, always with the fiddles and the guy who played the saw – really old fashioned, old timey stuff. I spent a lot of my childhood hanging out with people who played music on the front porch, who didn’t have any teeth and made moonshine in their back still. Some of my favorite times were way up in the hills listening to music.”

 

Whatever your taste in music, you can offer your support to Abby and Joanie and help say, “We are done! We are totally done!” to breast cancer in our lifetimes. www.firstgiving.com/abbymahler

Joanie and Abby’s (not so) secrets for how they do it:

• For Abby it comes down to family support. “We rely so much on each other for love, positive energy and advice. Both of my parents are there ready to listen and to help.”
• Doing her Project, Abby has been driven by the sense of accomplishment and pride she anticipates feeling this Saturday. “Being able to do something I love – it’s so satisfying to know I’m capable of doing it.”
• Joanie’s survival has been similarly anchored in family. “Having family members who intuitively know how to step in and help. Bob has been amazing. When I’ve been sick, he’s done everything.”
• Joanie is grateful for her job at Seattle Children’s Hospital where she works as a Nurse Practitioner. “It helps to have a routine, to have a reason to get up and out of bed even when you feel lousy.”
• Her medical training has given her the faith to “attack this as heavily as possible from the physical side” while at the same time working on the spiritual side. An acupuncturist cured a searing pain; she’s done lots of meditation, guided imagery and spiritual retreats. “Part of my growth was to learn to forgive myself for getting this. I felt very guilty as if I let my body down.”
• And together, Joanie’s disease has meant that she and Abby have learned how to talk to each other. “I’ve been blessed by having a daughter who is wise beyond her years. I think that Abby is a very open and honest person and she has given me the gift of being able to talk about uncomfortable things. I wouldn’t describe this as a fairy tale – there are always struggles – but we always talk about it. We trust each other.”

What books have Abby and Joanie read recently?

• Joanie’s reading The Glass Room by Simon Mawer. Amazon review: “It moves through six decades of European history, much of it unspeakably tragic, using the glass house as a window on the hopes and fears of its various inhabitants and the conflicts that rip Europe apart.” (see link to Amazon on this page)

• Abby just re-read the Twilight series and is starting an Agatha Christie novel for school.

Whom do they want me to interview next?

• Jennifer Argraves lived across the street from Joanie and Abby before moving to eastern Washington with her family to develop a sustainable farm, the Crown “S” Ranch, where they use no hormones, steroids, pesticides, genetically-modified feeds, or unhealthy grains.

By Janet Pelz