How Does She Do It?

Looking Forward this New Year

- Janet Pelz

New Years rolled in like a mild surf on the bay, the days as small waves lapping on the shore. Back in the times when New Years seemed like something that didn’t come around very often, January would crash with a resounding wash of foam upon a waiting beach. 

I’ve been aware of a numbing around the edge of days. I imagine this like a type of encroaching blindness where the periphery loses to black while only the center image remains. Is this a simple reaction to aging, I wonder, or is it a response to our moment in history? Is it internal to me or shared by everyone else – everyone outside that periphery?

Four years ago I thundered with anticipation of each new day. We were moving toward a moment in time when something remarkable would take place. The election either of the first woman or first African American President, a dramatic reaction to the prior eight years of chest beating and dumbing down. The news was thrilling – I drank it thirstily, absorbing each nuance that suggested that the country was coming to its senses and that our side might actually prevail. My children watched me weep along with hundreds of others when my brother announced that our state had voted for Obama and the march of other states seemed to be doing the same. And then there were the images from Chicago – the beautiful family, Jesse Jackson crying quietly on the sidelines.

And the morning of the inauguration, watching throngs crowd the Mall despite the bitter cold to witness history. I welcomed in the elderly women in my neighborhood who I knew would otherwise be watching all alone in their homes. “Hurry!” I said, choking down tears, “Aretha Franklin is singing My Country Tis of Thee!”. The pundits were calling Republicans irrelevant. The country was a blank slate for us to fill, with wisdom and generosity and justice. I felt electric with possibility.

And then came the frightening power of no – the Republicans believing their best strategy was to prevent any forward movement. It was as if we had been walking through a dark cave for years towards an elusive light – experiencing first the almost imperceptible shade of gray, the expansion of air, a thin strip of yellow that leaked in through a fissure, and then, finally, the full brightness of day stinging our eyes at the mouth of the cave. And just as we were ready to step out of the dark confine, the doorway collapsed, leaving a heap of jagged rock in our path. The light was still perceptible, but nearly impossible to reach.

The escape has been difficult, and it feels like we’ve had to shed so many parts of what we aspired to and what inspired us to be able to surmount the immense pile of rubble in front of us. And where normally I would have the ambition to help lead us out, instead I feel as if I’m climbing each boulder one at a time, with lots of deep breathing in between. I’m grateful for the protestors in Madison and the 99%-ers who are doing their best to drag us along – it seems right this time to be led rather than doing the leading.

Hopefully in this year upcoming the path will be cleared. When presented with the alternatives, common sense will prevail. Our country will find again a sense of community and embrace the least among us with the same fervor as we did those who exploited credit default swaps (and who understand what those are). I’m working on reigniting my optimism.

In this New Year, I hope to find the means to issue a steady parade of meaningful waves on the shore – I’ll stick to the bay and leave the ocean to those with a surfboard to navigate.

                photo credit: Nathan Griffith, featurePics

You may have noticed I haven’t posted in a while. Since my last post, I came by some writing gigs that actually produced a paycheck and they filled the hours between managing the family’s comings and goings. With those behind me, I’m looking forward to writing about other (extra)ordinary women. Those I’ve met in the course of this project have lifted my spirit and inspired me onward, and, if you just read everything that preceded this, you can see that both are needed.

Let me know if you have ideas of women I should meet. I’m in the process of setting up some new interviews, but I’m always eager for more ideas.

And in the meantime, if you have a glimmer of optimism for the year ahead, please share it by clicking the red “comment” link below and submitting your thoughts. I’m guessing we can all use it.

Thanks for sticking with this through the quiet times.

Anticipating Spring

- Janet Pelz

The sun is shining today and with it comes the prospect of spring, new life, long evenings outdoors, the hot bake of sun on the face, and bare feet in the sand.

I’m working on setting up some interviews – I have one next week that I’m excited about and others in the email exchange (Would you be interested? When are you available? Don’t worry – every woman I interview says there is nothing interesting about her life…)

In the seven days since I posted the story about Sandy Hirsch, I’ve had more than 600 hits, along with several new subscribers. Most of you are seeing my site for the first time. Welcome!

So, in this break while waiting to write my next story, I thought I’d explain for the new visitors what this site is and how it works. I’ve also got some updates on people I’ve written about previously, for those of you who like to track their progress. And in the course of this column, I’ll share with you some of the results I got from the survey many of you were kind enough to take back in November.

The Story of How Does She Do It?

I was always writing. At work I wrote the policy papers, the speeches, the memos -- whatever required putting one word after another in print seemed to fall to me. But when the recession hit, words were no longer a marketable commodity. I heeded a pent-up call to write what I wanted to write and a bad novel grew slowly from my keyboard.

Then the revelation struck that my world was filled with characters much richer than anything I could create from my imagination. They lived next door, their kids went to the same school as mine, they were friends and friends of friends -- all ordinary women living extraordinary lives – quietly, far from the headlines.

I set out to tell some of their stories.

I approached each of them like a gift, to unwrap carefully and find the treasure inside. And to each of these women I gave a gift in return -- their lives, with every bit of humor, resolve, passion and love wrapped up in one story.

I spend an hour, maybe two, listening to a woman tell me her life. And at the end I ask, “Whom should I interview next?” In this one community my stories have featured women of ages 11 - 99, mothers, artists, teachers, community leaders, gay, straight, and of diverse cultural backgrounds. Through their individual stories a much larger one is told -- our communities are filled with amazing women who are each doing their part to change the world. And you don’t have to do much to find them -- just ask.

The stories clearly hit their mark. Readership of the site grows steadily, mostly through word of mouth. People comment that we need more of this -- inspirational stories about regular people; a way to root ourselves in a broader world.

In the process I also aspire to connect people, even if just through the diaphanous threads of cyberspace. My friend Charlotte in the Phillipines had suggested in her survey response (miss you, Charlotte!) that I interview “a man who started life physically as a man but has chosen to live as a woman.” My friend Jane recommended I interview Sandy Hirsch, who has built a specialty of working with transgender clients. So I sent an email to Sandy and asked if she would like to take part.

Researching my site, Sandy read about someone she knew – Mary Ellen Buchanan – but didn’t know that Mary Ellen was a powerlifter. While I was interviewing Sandy, Laura saw us in the café. When Laura saw the story, she was moved to tears and shared the link on her facebook page. Mary-Ellen read Sandy’s story and sent her greetings through the comment link. Sandy sent the story link to her client Jerica to let her know she was featured in the story. Jerica was thrilled and shared the link with several transgender websites and on her youtube video log. Jerica is now a subscriber, and several hundred have found the site through Jerica’s links. I love that.

More from the survey:

Here are the types of women you’ve encouraged me to write about through your survey responses:

• women in their 40’s or older
• moms trying to find balance in their lives
• women who overcome obstacles and are living with power and purpose
• any woman in a male-dominated profession
• athletic women
• women who have chosen to veer from a particular set path to pursue a passion or social cause.
• women rights, immigrant, poverty, racial minority and labor activists for justice
• amazing teachers and parents making a difference in our schools
• a stay-at-home mother who has started her own business or chosen to work on a social cause or in politics
• a novelist – what’s it like to sit alone and write?

I’m pursuing some leads on several of the above, and I always welcome your ideas for women who fill any of these categories and particularly, for women most of us have never heard of.

As for the rest of the survey responses, I learned that 50% of respondents don’t always read the stories because they don’t like reading on the computer or the notices get lost in their inbox. This lends impetus to the idea of compiling the stories into a book, which could be enjoyed with a bedside light. Some find the stories too long – it’s always the hardest part, to edit out words or experiences from these women I find fascinating. Few of you are subscribers, preferring instead to wait for an email from me notifying you of a new story (warning: you will miss several of my postings because I don’t always send an email, but the story will always come directly to your inbox if you subscribe).

Not a one of you responding to the survey have purchased anything from an Amazon-affiliated website from the ad on my site. Guess I don’t exactly have a good business model going on. I should do a lot more to try to generate revenue to pay my costs, I realize, but I always choose to spend my time writing instead. Always open to ideas on this front, of course, so feel free to pass any good ones along.

(Speaking of business models, a memo leaked that Nokia, the world’s largest cell phone company, is worried about going bankrupt. Any ideas why?)

Coupl’a Updates:

Melissa Erickson has set up a Foundation to receive contributions to help fund her health care costs (she is the former UW basketball player battling Lou Gehrig’s Disease). Click here to go to her site. It’s easy to send a paypal donation – I just did.

Simone Porter, the young violinist I wrote about last year, finally had to give up on public school and pursue her studies on-line – a situation more conducive to her schedule with The Academy, an elite conservatory program for pre-college musicians which requires being in L.A. every week from Sunday –Tuesday. Writes Deborah, her mother: “After barely a week of this online program, Simone is thriving. She feels empowered by being able to work ahead and she is able to practice her violin more and still have free time to exercise and even meet friends. Next year Colburn may allow her to actually board there, which, while heartbreaking for me in many ways, would, I know deep down, be great for her. She has emerged to a level of consciousness where she knows she is a musician first and foremost.

“We just returned from England where Simone performed the Mendelssohn Violin Concerto with a great orchestra. The conductor just happened to be in the Barbican when Simone was rehearsing with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra last year (talk about luck!), heard her, and almost immediately invited her back to solo with his orchestra. Upcoming performances include soloing with the New West Symphony in L.A. in March, and soloing with the Hong Kong City Chamber Orchestra in July.”

Thanks for reading and as always, stay in touch.

The New Year Begins

- Janet Pelz

It’s interesting how my attitude changes towards each New Year. Often I approach it with a surge of energy to tackle goals, usually ones that got lost in the year-end holiday run-up. I’m sort of easing into this one, less intent on accomplishments than on opening up to opportunity.

                              Holding on to Autumn

I think my new attitude is shaped in part by the amazing women I’ve had the opportunity to interview for this site. They’ve taught me that focusing on a path is not necessarily the avenue to fulfillment, especially if it blinds me to other possibilities. I don’t mean to get overly philosophical here. I guess the feeling I have is one of humility. I thought I had it pretty well together, but these women have taught me how much more “together” can be. Sure, I’ll take on some resolutions, but I also hope to find myself in some surprising situations in the next 12 months.

I feel so fortunate to have never had a list of resolutions weighed down with a commitment to stop smoking or to get in shape (since I never started smoking and never stopped exercising). How punishing those pledges must feel at the top of any list. I could only imagine getting to January 7 and having a cigarette and thinking, well crap, I just blew that one!

Without those punitive goals I can approach a new year with creativity and inspiration. I think it would be great if all of us made a collective resolution – imagine that impact! My suggestion? Pledge to help someone get a job this year. Whatever you can offer – editing a resume, providing leads and contacts, offering an informational interview, making a financial contribution to a community job training or job placement organization. And if you’re in the position to offer even a little work, consider hiring a mom part-time. There are so many amazingly qualified and under-employed women who have so much to offer, communication and time management skills at the top of their lists.

It’s tough out there to find work, and for those looking, it’s a yoke worn every minute of the day. While our country is not in the same dire condition as we were when Roosevelt instituted the WPA, we can still appreciate what that surge of employment meant for this country, not just economically, but in the purpose and pride it restored to hundreds of thousands of the chronically unemployed. Each person working supports dozens more. Together, we could be a very, very, very, tiny WPA.

What are your resolutions, hopes, plans for the upcoming year?  Leave your ideas by clicking the red ‘comment’ link below.

Book Club On-Line

- Janet Pelz

I’m always interested in a good read. My guess is that you are, too.

So, how about sharing some of the best books you’ve read this year. What titles do you think we should all consider and why? Maybe we’ll get some ideas for year-end gifts or just a boost of reading inspiration to take into the next year.

One of my book highlights this year came to me from a suggestion. My friend Leslie, who has known me for long enough to know told me I should read The Elegance of the Hedgehog, by Muriel Barbery. I fell headfirst into an amazing novel that took equal care with the smallest moments and the broadest themes. Plus, it’s set in Paris, so I had lots of mental imagery to supply. I wasn’t too fond of the ending, however. What did you think?

Among books I read that I wouldn’t recommend, A Map of the World, by Jane Hamilton. An unthinkable sadness occurs in the first chapters and from there the story becomes even more depressing. I also disliked Alice Hoffman’s Here on Earth, another from Oprah’s Book Club. The book spins you into a number of complex characters, some reminiscent of Dickens, and at the end they all just scatter, like dandelion seeds. I’d be curious to know if anyone had different impressions of either of these.

On the non-fiction side, I’m having fun reading The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. Don’t know how much of it I’ll ever have the chance to apply to my own life and pursuits, but it’s full of interesting anecdotes and studies, connected in a fascinating way.  And of course, I was bowled over by the women’s stories told in the book Esther Instebo gave to me, Half the Sky: Turning Oppression into Opportunity for Women Worldwide, by Nicholas Kristof and Sheryl WuDunn.

The women I’ve interviewed for How Does She Do It? have many interesting things on their bookshelves – scroll back through the archives to see what they are reading.

If you buy books – or anything else – on Amazon, click onto their site from the ad to the right.  Your purchases earn a few pennies to support this web site.

What have been your favorites/dud this year?  Click the word ‘comment’ at the end of this story and add your recommendations in the white box titled “Post a Comment".”  Then check back periodically to see what others have written by clicking the red comment link again. 

One Year, 25 Amazing Women and 13,000 Page Hits Later…

 

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It was one year ago that I launched How Does She Do It? promising prospective readers:

“You’ll be inspired by the extraordinary and ordinary life stories of women in the Seattle area.

Each week I’ll interview a single mom, elite athlete, artist, or community volunteer; women who have arrived at their destination or women in transition – about who they are now and what choices they made to get to this point.

I’ll ask these women to tell who has made a fundamental impact on their lives, and what resources they turn to for support. And I’ll ask, whom should I interview next? We’ll start a thread that could weave throughout the region, and we’ll follow it wherever it takes us.”

  With the first story about my mother Kelly Pelz I’ve gone on to write about 24 other women, ranging in age from 13 – 99, women involved in the arts, sports, non profit organizations and business; women making an impact in this country and around the globe.

In the process I’ve also had my eyes opened to the power of the web to connect us. Google provides more information than I can use, but here are some of the more impressive statistics:

• Since I posted my first story, I’ve had more than 13,000 page hits. When I started writing, I was excited to see the number of readers rise by 25 with a new story. Now I regularly get between 30 – 60 hits on the days I don’t even post from people who have Googled something and seen my page on their results page.
• My biggest single day was 328 hits about Lacey Evans, captain of the Rat City Roller Girls. By way of update – you’ll recall she was planning a kickball game at her wedding to determine the couple’s new last name. The groom won, and Lacey is now Lacey Ramon.
• 85% or so of my readers in any month are new to the site. These are people who might be looking to read about a specific person I’ve profiled, or they may be looking for information on a topic like raising children as a single mom, living with ALS, or owning and operating a restaurant.
• Through Google searches I’ve been found by readers on every continent. A reader in Kenya read about Trish Dziko’s efforts to educate children of color. Someone in Venezuela read about Marla Smith-Nilson’s organization Water First and their efforts to bring clean drinking water to the poorest parts of the planet. Readers from European and Asian countries regularly visit my site.
• Without question the story that is most often Googled is the one I wrote in two parts about the young violin virtuoso Simone Porter and her mother. Simone’s high profile as an international performing artist has inspired a lot of interest. (She got a nice acknowledgment for her performance with the Royal Philharmonic Orchestra, the concert she was preparing for when I interviewed her).
• Sometimes another web site directs their readers to me. There was the time when the website Feministe picked up my story about Joanie Warner, who has been living with breast cancer for 17 years and her daughter Abby, who was organizing a rock concert as part of a high school project to raise money to eradicate the disease. I saw a spike in readership from that link, including one woman who was an old friend of Joanie’s from North Carolina. The two friends found each other through my web site and are once again in each other’s lives.
• 70 of you currently subscribe to the site – thank you for your vote of confidence! If you don’t do so yet but like the idea of each new story showing up in your inbox when I post, just fill in the white box in the upper right hand column where it says “enter your email address here” and hit the “subscribe” button. No cost, no obligation even to read, but it’s there if you want to. Likewise, if you prefer not to receive my regular emails notifying you of the new story, please don’t hesitate to ask to be taken off the list. I know how email overload can become an issue.

While most women eventually agree to be interviewed, almost all of them start with the disclaimer that they aren’t interesting enough to merit a story. A few have turned me down, including one woman I greatly wanted to interview who sent me this:

“I do wish I could say I'm enjoying my time as a full-time teacher with the Seattle Public Schools, but that's sadly not the case. Rather, I feel thwarted at every turn. It seems to me that creative people are not wanted in the public schools. I don't believe I can continue as a public school teacher.

“Due to my present lack of inspiration, both for teaching and writing – teaching has taken all the time and energy I had for writing – I'm afraid I'll have to decline Janet's gracious invitation for an interview at this time. I wish I were in a better place to provide inspiration for other women.”

Heartbreaking.

Although I get wonderful kudos about the stories I write featuring other women, I don’t feel as successful in trying to establish the site as a place for readers to connect with each other. My other goal in starting was this:

“So, how do you do it?

Is your secret as basic as a crock pot or as meaningful as the words Aunt Lola whispered to you on your wedding day? What gets you up on a rainy morning and sustains you through one more meeting, rehearsal, breast feeding, burnt casserole, proposal deadline, or arrival of the Great Hormonal Onslaught?

I’ll open up topics and ask you to weigh in.

We’ll learn from each other, share our secrets, and promote the people, organizations, books – even kitchen gadgets -- that add value to our lives.”

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The times I’ve put out a question for your response I’ve been met with deafening, well, silence, which makes me think, either I’m asking the wrong questions or you don’t have an interest talking to each other through the milieu of a web site.  Consequently, I’ve become reluctant to try.

Likewise, the comment function of the site doesn’t get much use. My hope is that the site could grow into something more like a book club than a text message – something that inspires conversation rather than tweets.

All of this represents the growing pains, the adjustment period.  You can help me with your ideas by clicking here to take a survey.

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And finally to the business side of this project. I spend between 10 – 20 hours a week on the site, arranging and attending interviews, writing and posting stories and trying to master the technical aspects of blogging. As compensation, I’ve made about $94 in advertising and referral sales. I thank the person who ordered a camera on Amazon by clicking from my site -- that grossed me a whopping $16! If you want to help support this project, you can do your Amazon (and affiliated sites) shopping by clicking their ad on my site. I’ll get a percentage of your sales as a referral fee at no cost to you. Similarly, if you just click on any site ad, you’ll earn me a few pennies even if you never make a purchase.

Obviously, I don’t have the business model to make this a financial success, but I definitely feel as if I’m building something of value in writing these stories. I’m looking for other ways to share them (a book, perhaps?). If you have any ideas, I hope you’ll send them along.

If you have a few minutes, I’d appreciate your responses to a brief 10-question survey. Click here to take survey. I’d love your ideas for how to make the site a more valuable place for you to spend some of your time each week.

I can’t thank you enough for your support.

- Janet Pelz

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How Do You Indulge the Occasional Need for Self-Pity?

My last interview, Joyce Israel, talked about what she did when in need of a ‘pity party’.  You know what she means, those moments when the weight you carry threatens to send you deep into a box of kleenex  or a family size bag of Fritos with sour cream dip.  Joyce turns to the tear-jerker movie rental, preferring to cry at someone else’s woes rather than her own.

How about you?  Do you have a tried and true outlet when you feel like the ASPCA has brought all its dogs to your front lawn to poop?  Any advice you care to share?

 

On the more optimistic side, look for my next post coming soon on a woman’s path to save a stranger’s life.  Would you do what she did?

- Janet Pelz

How Do You Do It? – Follow a passion and volunteer

My last story about Stephanie Ellis-Smith told us what opportunities may be waiting when we follow our passion. Stephanie took that terrifying step of putting her profession, and all that it brought (identity, status, security) -- behind in order to pursue something different – what it was, she didn’t yet know. Her new world opened up eventually through volunteering but first, she had to be willing to walk away from all that was familiar.

How have you done it?

Do you have an experience to share of pursuing a passion? What did you do, and where did it lead you? How about a volunteer pursuit? Do you have advice to share about where to go to find fulfilling volunteer opportunities, or how to shape your volunteer experience to get the most from it?

Click the comment button below this post and share your experience and ideas. There may be someone reading this who is looking for your guidance.

In my next stories, I write about women whose lives changed, not because they pursued an opportunity but because of an unexpected event that they were challenged to meet. Look for these, coming soon.

Thanks for reading, and thanks for leaving your ideas on How Does She Do It?

- Janet Pelz

 

   My husband Bob and daughter Casey take the plunge, in an icy stream

How Do You combine (or separate) your work/volunteer world from your home responsibilities?

Artist Gail Grinnell spoke about how she worked to include her family in the creation of her art. Do you strive to combine family and/or other home obligations (e.g. caring for an aging parent) with work, volunteer activity or artistic pursuit, or do you prefer to find ways to keep them separate? How do you do it?  Share your ideas and learn from others.

- Janet Pelz

 

A close-up of Gail’s work

How Do You: Make your holiday shopping count for more than piles of unrecyclable wrapping paper?

With the holidays bearing down, I’m looking for ideas from you on strategies to maximize the impact of your gift giving. Last year I did a great job of using holiday gifting as an opportunity to pass along items in my storage room to family and friends who could use them. I figured I accomplished multiple goals without adding to the production waste stream.

Presuming there is something you’ll be buying in the next month, what ideas do you have for:

• supporting local businesses, artists, and artisans, including those that are women-owned?
• helping non-profit organizations?
• emptying your house of unneeded stuff?
• promoting environmental stewardship?

To offer your suggestions, click the comment link below this article and you can also see what others are saying. Here are a couple ideas to get you started:

• We buy our Christmas trees from Greenlake Elementary.  It’s their big fundraising activity each year
• Woodland Park Zoois promoting its animal adoption program. You get a nice stuffed animal and educational information to go along with it. The World Wildlife Fund does a similar program – my kids really liked their adoption kits last year. What other non-profits offer special holiday giving ideas?
• Several local schools, my son’s included, sell Sally Foster wrapping paper as a fundraiser. This year their papers are all recyclable – yippee! There may be other recyclable brands as well. If you want to support our public school, let me know and I’ll send you the link.
• Here’s a woman-owned gift shop in Wedgwood, Fresh, that has gotten great reviews. What others are out there?
• Offer experiences rather than things – no waste and you get the added benefit of spending time with friends. What are your best experiences?

- Janet Pelz