How Does She Do It?

Kelly Pelz: Building a New Community at Age 85

“It’s time.”

My father had heard these words from his wife of more than 50 years five times before, but was pretty sure that this time they didn’t portend the arrival of a new bundle of love.

“For what?”

“To go.”

Two words delivered over the kitchen table, not as a death threat or a prison sentence, just a statement of fact. Just a recognition that the house and yard that had raised five energetic children and hosted more than its share of slumber parties, snow ball fights and college kids crashing for anti-war marches, was too big for just two.

That was my mother, Kelly Pelz, who uttered those words, and my father Dick who nodded in agreement.

As if the deconstruction of 54 years was as easy.

Saying goodbye to the hundreds (thousands?) of friends they had brought into their community, to move 3,000 miles away to a place they hadn’t lived in for more than a lifetime. At the spry age of about 80 the two of them packed up their belongings, sold their house and moved from the D.C. suburbs to a Wallingford apartment rental. By themselves.

The physical displacement was just the first step.

My mother unknotted the ties that bound her to the home she loved. Through her never-ending neighborhood potlucks, Democratic Party political organizing, and board terms with the local low-income housing authority, word on the street was “everyone knows Kelly Pelz.”

But Kelly found out that creating community is a transferable skill. It starts with taking up conversation with just about anyone. Pressing a little bit, she’ll learn what’s needed, and what she can do, to help.

“I think it was easier for me to move here from across the country than it has been for many of my neighbors to move here from across town. Their old connections keep pulling them back.”

Kelly Pelz standing in front of a portrait of her grandmother, painted by her uncle Fred 

Here to Kelly and Dick is Horizon House, http://www.horizonhouse.org/a senior community of about 500 on First Hill in Seattle. “It’s close to everything. I don’t have to drive or to rely on anyone to get me anywhere. I walk to my wonderful doctor. We go frequently to Town Hall for lectures and concerts. And we can take the #2 bus for just a quarter to get to the Symphony, Seattle Center, everything!”

So, from knowing almost no one when she arrived a bit over three years ago, she can’t walk more than a few steps through the lobby without someone stopping to thank her for the cookies she baked, or confirm she’s coming to the Halloween Party planners’ reception, or to the Peace Action meeting that night.

And she’s busy far beyond the walls of her retirement community. She organizes fellow residents to prepare hot lunches and socialize with the residents of Plymouth Housing’s Langdon and Anne Simons House, a place where formerly homeless, drug addicted, and mentally ill seniors call home. You see, to Kelly, community isn’t just building a network of friends to play bridge with (though she does that). It’s spreading the connection to those who, after many years surviving on the streets, have lost the basic skill of social conversation.

“Sometimes the residents don’t even talk. Or sometimes one will go on about people who keep stealing his things and how he’s going to shoot them. We just listen. It’s important that they have someone who will listen.”

On other days, Kelly is delivering a home-baked casserole and toiletries to the women at the Church of Mary Magdalene, a day shelter for homeless women and their children in downtown Seattle. “I collect socks – these women are on their feet all day long. We wash their feet, we feed them a warm meal. The need is so great.”

Kelly spoke to the homeless woman in front of Bartells the other day to make sure she knew of Mary Magdalene. She never misses the opportunity to include one more person in her widening community.

Kelly’s (not-so) secrets – how does she do it?:

• Stay active: fill your days with meaningful work, art, culture and politics, and all sorts of people, especially those who inspire and teach you
• Always recognize and appreciate your blessings and share them with others

Kelly’s recommendations for local organizations serving the homeless:

• Plymouth Housing: http://www.plymouthhousing.org
• Church of Mary Magdalene: http://www.churchofmarymagdalene.org/faqs.htm

What’s on Kelly’s bookshelf these days?

• The Agony and the Ecstasy (a biographical novel of Michelangelo) by Irving Stone
• The Life of Pi, by Yan Martel

We’ve all done it – taken that frightening first step

I was about 20 when I found myself standing in the middle of the Paris airport hefting a suitcase packed with everything I would need for the next year. 

 

Before that, I had never left the country, not to vacation with my family, not even a quick jaunt across the Canadian border.  And there I was, all alone, double-fisting this incredibly heavy bag, back arched as it bumped against my legs (they didn’t have wheels back in the Dark Ages) pushing through the crowd to take my first step: Finding the bus into the city.

 

I had a destination, a place to stay my first couple nights.  What I didn’t have was a return ticket, or any idea of when the adventure would end.

 

That’s a bit like how I feel starting this blog. 

 

I found the bus and then a cab once in Paris, and tripping over my untested French, provided the driver with an address.  What followed was three years of challenge and self discovery, love and basketball.

 

My first destination with this blog? Seeing whether it speaks to an audience and helps build a community of women, learning from each other, being inspired, amused and informed through our connections.

 

After all, women have been creating community forever.  Don’t you think there were cavewomen groups, sharing the cook fire and fashion tips?  “I love what you’ve done with that mastodon pelt!” 

 

But really, think of those formal and informal groups of women that have been part of your life. Some invitation convinced you to join while the camaraderie you found there compelled you to stay.

 

So, here’s an invitation.  Take that first step.  Join in.  Take the adventure along with me.  You never know where we’ll end up. 

 

What will you find on this blog?

 

You’ll be inspired by the extraordinary and ordinary life stories of women in the Seattle area (and maybe beyond). 

 

Each week I’ll interview a single mom, elite athlete, artist, or community volunteer; women who have arrived at their destination or women in transition – about who they are now and what choices they made to get to this point.

 

I’ll ask these women to tell who has made a fundamental impact on their lives, and what resources they turn to for support.  And I’ll ask, who should I interview next?  We’ll start a thread that could weave throughout the region, and we’ll follow it wherever it takes us.

 

I’ve already developed quite a list of women I want to hear from.  Be forewarned – your name may be on it.

 

 

And then what?

 

So, how do you do it? 

 

Is your secret as basic as a crock pot or as meaningful as the words Aunt Lola whispered to you on your wedding day?  What gets you up on a rainy morning and sustains you through one more meeting, rehearsal, breast feeding, burnt casserole, proposal deadline, or arrival of the Great Hormonal Onslaught?

 

I’ll open up topics each week and ask you to weigh in.  Questions like:

 

• How has your cell phone helped you organize your life?
• Are there natural solutions to controlling hot flashes? 
• Are you and partner planning a commitment ceremony or waiting for the state to make it legal for you to marry? 
• How do you use your buying power to support your social values?

 

Get the idea?

 

We’ll learn from each other, share our secrets, and promote the people, organizations, books – even kitchen gadgets -- that add value to our lives. 

 

So, what do you have to do?

 

If you want take that bus with me, read the blog.  And if you like it, send the link out to your friends and suggest they do so as well.

 

That’s the first step.

 

Then, follow the interviews and the conversations.  Offer your advice.  Offer your help.  Tell us how you do it.

 

We’ll go from there.